My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
