She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
