you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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