The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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