I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
