The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
