So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I need to sanitize my soul.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
