No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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