A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
