ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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