Cold hands, warm shart.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
