So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
