Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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