I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
