I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
