You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
