they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I feel like abortions should bother me more
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
