census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
