Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Houston, we have a blender
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
