called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
