dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Randomize
