I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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