What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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