I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
