Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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