We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
