Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
