omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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