Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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