i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
