Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
well you can't waste a boner
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
