you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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