if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
