Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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