I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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