The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
