you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
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