if i died would you start the facebook group?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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