the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
