Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
