My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
