Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
