try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
