R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
