and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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