Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
