he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
