Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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