I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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