If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
