I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
