i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
