your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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