i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
